Have you ever seen the jelly beans video? It's a quick (almost 3 minutes) video and you can watch it here:
When I first saw it a few years ago I wasn't sure what I thought of it. Then I recently watched it again and it really struck a nerve with me. Maybe it impacted me more this time, versus a few years ago, because before my grandma passed away this February we had a conversation about how I've let fear hold me back from doing so many things I want (traveling alone, speaking - just to name a few).
One of my favorite conversations I had with her was a month or two prior to her passing and it's something I've been thinking a lot about. She said:
"Tishia, only God really knows how many days you have here but life is short so stop worrying about what everyone else things and please quit living in fear. Get out there and enjoy life!"
We went on to talk about how proud she was when I took a leap and started my Virtual Assistant Business back in 2006. We talked about how God has provided so many great opportunities for me since coming online. We talked about how there were so many things she was proud of doing (her missions trip in Guatemala just to name one) in her lifetime but the thing she regrets the most...all the things she didn't do!
And once again, after her passing, I sat thinking about how three or four years ago I told her:
"Grandma, I feel life is passing me by and I'm sitting on the sidelines watching everything happen but I'm not participating."
And while I've changed a few things since sharing that with her, I'm still watching from the sidelines. The main reason...I'm scared. I want to head out and explore (I'm not even talking heading to the other side of the world on some big travel adventure - I'm talking local travel right here in Michigan...there are sooo many places I haven't experienced, and some other travel adventures like hopping on a train and just going somewhere, etc.) I know single women travel alone all the time, but there's a few people around me that don't think it's a good idea. And Lord knows I spend way too much time worrying about what everyone else thinks Tishia should or shouldn't be doing!
Once again I let fear stop me in my tracks
A perfect example of fear stopping me would be this past weekend. It was beautiful out here in Northern Michigan so I decided to head on up to one of my favorite places - Mackinaw City. I've never actually seen the bridge when Lake Michigan is frozen and has snow on it so it was a new experience and it was beautiful:
I wanted so badly to cross the five mile Mighty Mac but the thought of driving over it sends me into full on panic mode. There are sooooo many things in the U.P. (upper peninsula) I want to explore but I can never actually get over the bridge to get there. Yes, I've been on the bridge before...as a passenger and that's bad enough. So once again, I left and headed back home.
As I drove home and even after I got home, I was so disappointed in myself. I just knew that my grandma would have cheered me on and told me I could do it had she been alive and I called her while in Mackinaw City wanting to get to the other side. She would have encouraged me but most of all she would have prayed for me and told me that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (which ironically is the exact same thing a Facebook friend posted when I shared about it on there!)...
I'm sooooo tired of living on the sidelines. I so desperately want to get out there and enjoy the "game" and I know God doesn't want me living in fear. So, I'm bound and determined to start taking baby steps and within the next few months I WILL cross that bridge with God guiding me safely!
Anyway, now that I've rambled on I'll leave you with my final thought about the video (because that's what the post really was about LOL) and a question for you:
I never thought I'd be learning life lessons from jelly beans! But what a creative way to get the point across!